For the full Hollywood Tarot experience, pretend the cards below are lying in front of you sort of like this,

and that some Princess of Pentacles person is there with you, interpreting the meanings (which she really is, at some archetypal level).

For a more complete explanation of the cards (like, what the heck does this actor have to do with this card anyway?), see Who's On What Card.

NOTE: Major Arcana cards (the first 22 cards of the deck) do not belong to suits like Swords or Wands; they are simply called "Card 0", "Card 1", etc. They're the cards with the blue moon-and-stars frames. Don't be confused if you get, say, "Card 3" on the layout space called "Card 1". This just means that the third card of the deck is in the first card position.

Enjoy the Movie!



Cards 1 and 2 are the starting point. Think of them as the corner of Hollywood and Vine. CARD 1, Hollywood Boulevard, is the summarized plot of your question, the cards' edited version of the question you are asking.

9 of Cups: Happiness--Barney


Super-dee-whatever.
The Nine of Cups is about Happiness. Now, this is not a good Hollywood Tarot archetype, because Hollywood is a darned cynical place. If you get this card: GOOD FOR YOU!



CARD 2, Vine Avenue, crosses Hollywood Boulevard. This card either complicates or compliments the question, kind of like a movie backer who insists on coming down to the studio to see what's going on.

Princess of Swords: Lucy Lawless as Xena, Warrior Princess


She takes care of her friends.
The Princess of Swords is the Protector. A fierce nurturer, she is the mother who will kill to keep her children safe.



CARD 3 is the Script you're supposed to be learning in this question. Is it hard to learn? Is it stupid? Is it worthy of you? This card is the challenge you face in this situation.

Prince of Pentacles: Raymond Burr


Putting the clues together.
The Prince of Pentacles is the mystery solver. Curious and rational, he will analyze the facts in any situation to figure out what's really going on. Don't try to hide the facts from him. It will only whet his curiosity and make him dig harder.



CARD 4 is the Producer, working behind the scenes. This is the card of the larger picture, the vision of what the movie of your question would tell the audience, assuming there was enough money to make the film and you were a good enough actor to do the part. Some would describe this card as God's purpose in this situation.

7 of Pentacles: Failure--Woody Allen


Anxious Alvy pretends to be happy.
Failure is sometimes more a state of mind than an actual physical fact. Just as one person sees a half-full glass and the next sees a half-empty one, so too one person might see "failure" where another sees "success". Then again, sometimes failure really is.



CARD 5 is Podunk, Minnesota--or wherever you came from before you made it to the corner of Hollywood and Vine. This is all the strengths and skills you are bringing to the part, all those hours of high school musicals and dinner theater that have made you the performer you are today. This is the card of your past.

Card #2: High Priestess--Whoopi Goldberg


Guinan advises Picard.
The High Priestess exemplifies wisdom. She is also known as "The Papess", after Pope Joan; other traditions have known this archetype as Sophia, Goddess of Wisdom. Whatever her name, you can trust her counsel.



CARD 6 is the completed movie of your question, assuming there are no last minute script changes or drug overdoses among the cast. If you don't do anything different, this is what the final screening will look like. This is the card of the predictable future.

7 of Cups: Dream--Fabio


Tarzan, with wind in his hair.
Some fantasies are best left to our dreams. Real life can be so sordid: washing socks, and scrubbing bathrooms, and paying bills. In our dreams, Elle MacPherson has no cellulite and Fabio never has a bad hair day. It's better that way.



CARD 7 is that secret script you wrote, that you have hidden in the bottom drawer of your dresser--it's the real question that you should have asked, the opportunity you should have pursued in this reading instead of doing yet another remake of Rocky Meets Lethal Weapon.

Card #3: The Empress--Donna Reed


Your Mom loves you.
The Empress is the archetypal Mother: creator, nurturer, protector of the Earth and all its beings. Her power comes from the heart. She does this out of her own strength, whole and complete.



CARD 8 is the role people want you to play or want you to relate to in this movie--these are the unseen forces, the archetypes that are acting in this situation that you may not be entirely aware of.

Card #0: The Fool--Robin Williams as Mork


"The childlike Mork is disappointed to find out that, on Earth, eggs don't fly."
Fools are utterly ignorant persons, who will take amazing risks simply because they don't know better. They don't know embarrassment, or fear. They laugh and sing and step off cliffs. The fool is the archetype at the very beginning of the Hero's Journey, a journey that ends when the Fool has become the Magician.



CARD 9 is the role you were born to play in the movie of this question, the archetype you should be modeling yourself on.

8 of Pentacles: The Apprentice--Mark Hamill as Luke Skywalker


Luke listens to Master Yoda.
The Apprentice will experience many teachers before achieving Mastery. This is necessary, because you can't have true understanding of your field unless you've seen it through a variety of eyes. Learn as much as you can from your masters, and cherish those teachings



CARD 10 is the Academy Award ceremony: this is the best and brightest possible outcome for this project. It may be a sad card--but remember that even tear jerkers can have big value at the box office. Give us a big smile for the cameras!

5 of Cups: Regret--Hugh Grant


He feels really bad about it.
The Five of Cups represents the fact that sometimes we do stupid things that we really, really regret later. The message of this card is: Think before you act.



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